Drenched with sun,
bathing in money —
which part of myself will I hurt today?
Deserving and yet undeserved.
I tread the old boards of my recurring past,
letting it go —
pulling it taut.
Psychoanalysis, talking,
listening,
a dose of magical fungi for respite.
Endless sleep.
Beads of sweat on my forehead.
My clammy body stretches out,
looking for an end to this soulless quagmire.
I feel hope today.
If I were to venture outside,
maybe I could feel something.
I am stripped of emotion.
Fear rules my thoughts
like a tide battering a bay
that does not often recede.
Time…
Time and medication.
It numbs me better.
Yet I truly need
to feel to heal.
I need to dive deep
into the depths
of my long-forgotten soul.